He went to Australia for 2 more weeks already..
And few days ago, he scold me in phone in very fierce..
I just can cry on that time and just keep quiet to let him scold..
He always scold in same things..
He angry me because i always think of negative and..
always said the words that hurt him very much..
He said when he is in australia, he feel full of tension..
He also wish can got someone beside him and borrow the ears..
He told me he wish i can encourage him..give him the concern..
He wish i'm the one can listen to him when he face problem..
He also wish I can give him the opinion when he need..
I know i not the good partner for him in his life..
But i really don't mind to lend my ear for him to speak out..
I know he need someone to share with him..
No matter good or bad..
After he finish scold, he still talk nice to me..
He said he is really love me and care me, just i din't feel it..

Give up??

He is outstating this few days..
In between this time, i think of many and many..
I thought to give up this relationship..
I feel myself very sad and feel very hurt..
Last few days i getting sick and i call him..
I just wish to hear his sound during i sick and when i alone..
Before sleep i wish to hear his sound so that can sleep nicely..
But every time when i call him, he sound like not willing to talk with me..
Sometimes he sound like rushing to put down the call..
Or he must got many excuse to ask me end the call..
That give me bad feeling..and i really just can cry..
I can't understand why he treat me like that?
He never call me, and he also never miss me..
Just myself is too stupid..
When he message me or when he call me..
He just talked about business with me and ask me to done the work..
Now he has not enough money to use over there..
He just sms me ask me to call him..
And he ask me to bank in the money for him to use..
It let me feel that, he together with me just because..
When he need help, he will find me..
When he need money, he always ask me to think of method
or ask me to borrow him money..
But when i need money, when i ask him about money..
He must give the black face for me and always tell me he has no money..
Sometimes i really can't understand why he don't ask his wife to give money?
Why he don't ask his wife to think the method for him?
Sometime it make me feel that..
I have no seat in his heart..
But when he need help, he will find me first..
Sometimes i really think to give up and end of this kind relationship..
Think is easy, but not easy to do it..
I had together with him one year already..
In this one year.. He treat me nice?
I really don't know he treat me nice or not?
Honestly, i wish he can love me and care me more..
But most of the time, he never care about my feeling..
I know his family is more important than me..
I really just hope he can keep his promise..
Before i come here, he give me many promises..
But until now, he never do it..
I just wish he can have more time together with me..
If just a short while, that is ok for me already..
I just wish to have lunch, dinner or breakfast with him only..
But most of the time, he din't give to me..
He spend his more time together with his family..
I'm just a spay tyre for him..
When he need me, he will find me..

Down

I don't know why.. I worry him so much..

I try many ways to find him..

Yesterday i call hotel until his room to find him..

But i din't talk with him..

But at the end i know he got call back to his wife..

But he never call me up..

He don't know i will worry him?

Until this morning i ask his wife his number..

Just because he had promise my bro to meet each other up..

After i call him, he told me that he can't call through my phone..

You think am i believe that?

I think, maybe i have no seat in his heart..

If not, why he can let me so worry until like that?

I totally can't sleep well and my heart can't feel better..

So i think is that i have no seat in his heart?

Suddenly my mood feel very bad and down..

Miss and Worry..

I'm worry about you so much.. I don't know u r fine in australia or not?
You promise me that when u reach aus, u'll buy one card to call back to me..
You really make me worry so much.. i just notice that i give u the wrong number..
I forget that if u use aussie card to call aussie number need to throw some number away..
and if u want to call back, need to add some number in the front..
I start to worry about u..
I worry that u can pass the immigration successfull or not?
I worry that u know how to call back or not?
I worry that how is ur health?
I worry u can accept the oversea weather or not?
I really worry u so much.. I can't concentrate on my working..
Because in my mind i just think of u..
I need to wait until u call back then i just will feel a bit better..
I hope u can have a good luck on ur work and everything going in smooth..
I can't do anything now, i just can wait for ur call only..
I hope u can call me sooner, so that don't let me feel so worry..
If i din't hear from you, i can't sleep well..
In my mind i just think of you.. I wish u can contact me very soon..
Just can wait and wait and wait.. nothing i can do..
Miss u so much..

He had fly to Australia.. My heart also feel sad..
But at least he got call he before he fly, even is the last person he call..
I just can't understand why this few days, all the unhappy thing come together..
He fly.. and i also facing problem in centre here..
In the early morning, i get the msn message that scolding me..
One of the teacher here say i'm selfish and not a responsible teacher..
She mention that i always ask her to do a lot of work and never care of her feeling..
She say she need study and need work here.. but i never care, still give her a lot of work..
She say i'm very selfish, because she need help me look after the students sometimes
and i never help her look after her students..
I had nothing to say.. Everytime when she say she want to take leave because her study
I never reject her, even she say she can't come for half hour or few days..
I also let her, i just ask her try to find someone replace her..
Just this only, also call selfish?
She say i always scold my student and never teach my students..
This all words really hurt me..
Manager always scold me because she always take leave..
But i help her to explain and i told manager is my false, is me allowed her to on leave..
Not only me always scold my students,
She also always scold her students, and still punish the students,
I never say anything, manager complain me, i try to explain..
I never complain her anything..
I heard many parents said, their child scare to come here because of her..
But i already try to explain to the parents.. try to solve and try to keep my students..
Did i say anything to her? I never...
I know i not a good person..
But i try to help what other ppl need.. But at the end i had been complain about
I'm selfish, i never care other ppl feeling, i never think for other ppl,
and still say i'm not a responsible person..
What should i do????

保 重

今天你终于飞了，虽然我心中有千万个不舍得。。
但始终还是要舍得。。
你说，你真的希望我真的能很坚强，能自己保重。。
我也希望我自己真的能很坚强。。
自己我不知道在没有你的日子里，我要如何过我的日子？？
我只知道我真的很想你。。
没有你在身边，我就像失去了一个宽阔的肩膀。。
失去了一个温暖的枕头。。
其实我并不是你们眼中坚强又能干的女生。。
我一点都不坚强。。也一点都不能干。。
我更不是你们所谓的女强人。。
其实我的依赖心很强。。
开始到现在，你对我真的很好。。
只要我开口，你从没拒绝过我。。
你真的很照顾我。。很呵护我。。很保护我。。
不管我多么无理取闹，你都忍受我。。
虽然你很多时候，你都没履行到你之前对我许下的承诺。。
但至少你做到一个承诺。。
天塌下来，会有你来帮我顶。。。
我祝你成功。。一切顺利。。加油。。
希望你还记得我在你的身边不断的支持你。。
我希望我也能实行我的承诺。。
成为成功的你背后的女人。。

Missing

I feel sad this few days.. I don't know what to do..
I just know cry only.. when i think of him, i just cry..
He will going to Australia tomorrow.. I really not dare he leave..
But what to do???
Since i come here, this time is the first time he leave me for long time..
I don't know when he will come back, and how long he will go..
I wish i can send him, but that is impossible..
I wish to meet him last time before he leave, but the situation is not allowed..
I wish before he fly he can give me a call, but he won't do that..
When he is not around, i feel that i lost a big shoulder..
When i met problem, he always help me to settle..
When i not enough money to use, he will give me..
When i feel unhappy, he make me smile..
I don't know how to pass the time without him..
I know i must miss him very very much and too much..
I just can cry.. after cry.. feel tired just sleep..
Wish the time can pass faster..
So that he can be back faster..
This month is the special month for me..
We get known each other for one year..
I wish that day he already back here and we can have a good time..
I wish my dream can come true..
I wish he can be succesfull on his business..
I wish everything he can go by smooth..
Wish him good luck and all the best..
I really miss him so much.. Is that mean i love him too deep too?