Happy All the TiMe

2009-07-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

My australian bf find me back again..

He want me to marry him...

When i heard it, i must feel very happy right..

But i don't know why my heart suddenly feel scare..

What i scare?

I scare one day he will divorce with me..

I scare he is will change his heart one day..

I scare he is too big man, i need always listen to him..

I scare his temper....

Oh no! how come i have soo many disappointed on him??

His mother wish he can marry with me before christmas

but his dad feel too rush, at least after one year..

But he wish to marry soon and move out his house..

He wish to get marry just because his parent getting old..

I don't know we are love each other or not?

Accually we never meet each other...

we know each other from yahoo messager..

but we did saw pic and cam of each other..

Throught the chating, i know he strongly want to marry with chinese girl..

We have net love for more than 3 years..

In between this 3 years, we do broke..

But after that he told me that he can't find other girl who are better than me..

So at the last we together back again..

But i hate him always ignore me..

I also hate him always scold me stupid or stubborn..

But now i will feel that, if i really love him

I need to obey him and don't make him angry..

I really don't want to lost this chance again..

As my age is getting old..

Now i really tired on working, my life..

I really wish can find one man who really

love me, care me, understanding me and treat me as a princess..

I know maybe he is my Mr Right..

I wish after marry, i can not need to work

Just stay at home to be full time housewife..

Take care my husband and our kids..

I know he can give me this kind of life..

I can't describe my feeling now..

I wish to get marry with good man..

But when it is happen i feel scare...

Wish he is my true love and last man...

Wish the God bless me...

Friend..

2009-07-14T07:03:00.000-07:00

I think he and I be normal friend is better..

I don't know what i had done wrong??

Today he never find me..

Even i sms him, but he also just ignore me..

That is very hurt for me..

I had directly told him that i want to meet him

but he still ignore me and no respond..

Suddenly i feel that, he just will find me if got any insurance

He won't find me without insurance topic..

That is quite sad for me..

Now i just know myself is so cheap

Every time if the topic is related with insurance,

he must reply me in very fast..

If not he always just ignore me..

He really not like before when we know each other..

That time he always play sms with me, call me to talk

but now...

Honestly, i have feeling on him.. I think i fall in love on him..

But i know now i need to forget it all...

I know i can't fall in love on him..

I try to persuade myself, don't think of him, don't mind of him..

Need to treat him as normal friend....

Since he just ignore me, so better dont' disturb him any more

So i told myself, start from now, i won't sms him to bother him..

Since he don't like to reply me..

Then i won't sms him or call him any more...

Just wait when he want, he will find me himself...

Maybe i also need to force myself to forget him...

I think we are just only friend...

maybe only client with agent only...

Maybe he feel that i'm boring and troublesom..

So i better keep away from him...

Don't make him feel angry or hate me..

Am i useless????

2009-07-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

I always think that, am i useless???
I just wonder why everything that i done
always is unsmooth and never go with my mind??
NO matter in my life, my work, my family or my love
I never get the good answer or good news.....
Why? can someone tell me WHY?
I also wish that everything that i do can go by very smooth......
I also wish my life can go by very good....
I know in my family, i'm the most useless.....
I can't help my parents, i can't give them the good life...
For my brother, i can't give him the money as much as he want..
I give nothing for my family, but i still make them into trouble..
I know everything is my false... I hope i can change everything...
Even i know that is very impossible, but i still wish i can do it....
When someone look down on me, i wish i can do the best to prove it...
But every time i failed on it... no matter what i do always is the wrong...
I always tell myself to be strong in every thing and every way...
So i always cry myself when i'm alone...
Nobody know my situation... nobody can help me..
and nobody give me concern...
Everyone just blame me, scold me or talk bad to me...
Why i always is the unlucky one?
When the luck is come to me? When i can have a happy ending?
I feel sorry to my family, my parents and my siblings...
I just can say, i will try my very best to make everything in good...
I wish some day, i can give my parents a good life...
I hope the God father are always listening my pray...

My Dearest Grandma

2009-07-06T21:58:00.001-07:00

I feel very very very sad this few days..

My dearest grandma had passed away yesterday early morning..

I feel very sad and sad and sad....

I really don't know how to explain my sad..

I also feel very sorry to my grandma..

Last week when she went into hospital

i wish to go back to visit her..

but mom say is not very serious..

Doctor always ask us to do the preparation..

I really can't accept when i heard the news..

I just feel curious when we do not have preparation,

God had ask her go back..

Until today when i think of grandma, i still will cry..

I really not dare my grandma away from us..

I never think grandma will go away from us..

Yesterday i really can't accept the news..

But today i feel ok, just a bit sad..

Even i feel sad, but i still need to pretend i'm fine in front of other..

I just can pray to the God father

to take care of my grandma..

I know one day we will meet in the heaven..

Grandma, i miss you forever and forever..

Friend?? Special friend?? normal friend??

2009-07-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

I really don't know what is our relationship now??

Even he angry me, but he still treat me very nice..

He still like before when i need, he will help as he can..

He still will take some time to meet me..

I'm very sad this few days..

My dearest grandma had passed away yesterday early morning..

I cried until my eyes become buns..

I cried for whole day when i think of it..

I just simply sms him to tell him that i feel sad..

but when he know it, he come suddenly to concern me and see me..

Accually yesterday he want to sign up with my colleague

he will come to my house around 5pm

i thought he mean come to see me is mean 5pm

but accually he is not..

he told me he will come to see me before 2pm and

mean he will come to my house two times..

At that time i really feel touching heart..

Because he come to see me after he heard i'm sad and cry..

But i know i can't have other thinking on him..

He just treat me as a normal friend..

He treat every friend, no matter is girl or guy

he always treat them nice as he can....

Maybe is myself think too much...

2009-07-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

Today, i make him so angry on me..
until he ask me don't reply him sms any more..
I think this time i really do the wrong..
I think he really angry me now..
So i stop sms him, but i still had say sorry to him..
I think after today i will put down every feeling on him..
I won't have keep any hope on him..
Maybe he is not the guy the God arrange for me..
I think our relationship just can maintain in between client and agent..
Now i just realise that, every time always is my own false..
just because i force too much on one guy, so make them scaring on me..
So i think, i better to choose to be a single..
Maybe single life is the best way for me..
Bless myself..

2009-07-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

What call LOVE? What is LOVE?
I promise to my exbf that i will accept him back
but i ask myself, did i really love him?
BUt i found that, i not really love him, i just want to keep my promise only..
This recently i met one guy that he is very
care of me, concern on me, and always borrow his ears to me..
He treat me nice, no matter what help i need, he must help..
I feel that i have a nice feeling on him..
but i found that he treat every friend and every girl as good as me
So maybe i think too much on him..
Maybe he just treat me as a his insurance client or normal friend..
Maybe i'm too stupid that easy to fall in love on someone..
He had told me that he won't fall in love on any girl..
He say he can treat me nice and good, can borrow me the ears to listen
Just he can't fall in love on me..
Just myself is too stupid, still fall in love on him..
So after that i need to force myself to put down everything
Maybe single also not bad..
So please don't think too much..
Just treat him as a normal friend..

一切都太迟了。。

2009-06-09T04:23:00.000-07:00

我和他分开后不久，他又回来找我了。。
记得那天收到他的信息，他告诉我说，
他进了医院，他不断的向我道歉。。
他说之前他那样对我，也许是因为当时他压力太大。。
还说他很想念我，希望我回到他的身边。。
他说他知道错了，他后悔当初这样对我。。
他希望我们的关系回到从前那样。。
他说他会好好的珍惜我、关心我、爱我、
会比以前更抽时间出来和我见面。。
坦白说，刚开始看到他的信息时，我真的有点心动。。
我很想原谅他，因为如果说我已经完完全全的忘记他，
那是骗人的。。我不想他，也是不可能的。。
毕竟我们偷偷摸摸的在一起了这么多年。。。
我不知道他葫芦里卖的是什么药？
我也不知道他再一次找回我目的是什么。。
所以最终我还是狠下心来。。
我不希望他再一次的利用我，我也不想再被他的甜言蜜语所骗。。
不属于我的东西，我不想再拥有。。
这样下去最后受伤的还是我。。那为何我要这么笨呢？
即使我再接受他，他还是和以前一样
我们也不能常见面，毕竟他是有家庭的人。。
我还是希望能找一个属于我自己的那一个人。。

全新的自己

2009-05-18T18:27:00.000-07:00

不知不觉我搬来新的地方已经半个月了。。
工作不如以前。。可是说轻松了很多，也可以说压力更重了。。
轻松是因为毕竟是自己的地方，不用看人的脸色。。
有压力是因为要很小心的用钱。。
每个月的开销让我吃不消。。每天都要在担心不够分。。
不管怎样，我相信一切会顺利。。
俗语说：万事起头难。。我希望接下去的日子会更好。。
慢慢的，家人也开始支持我，会给我意见。。
至少这是让我感到安慰的一点。。
刚开始我是真的很有压力，因为我要处理所有的事。。
现在我把所有我名下和他有关系的全部处理完了。。
心中也觉得踏实了，也比较安心了。。
至少不用担心他会利用我的名字来做什么坏事。。
现在回想起来，当初自己真的很笨，很天真。。
被他的甜言蜜语骗到团团转，不止害到自己，还连累到家人
就当作是吸取了一份很重很重的教训了。。
和他分了之后，我整个人也轻松了。。感觉上我卸下了很重的包袱
感觉自己也变开朗了许多。。
想想还是找个单身的比较好，那样他就可以完全的属于我。。
他的时间、人、爱，完全只有我拥有而已。。
现在的我，什么都不想那么多。。
现在自己的事业才刚起步，希望我所有的事能顺利。。
我也希望能得到一些的支持，这样我才能走得更有信心。。
所以我现在要很勇敢、很坚强的走我接下去的人生路。。
不管是在事业、人生路上都要很有信心的走下去。。
我也相信，天父上帝也一直在看顾着我。。
他的恩典够我用。。只要我寻求他，就必寻见。。

一失足成千古恨

2009-04-26T19:32:00.000-07:00

人真的不可以做错事，一错就不能再回头，也不能弥补。。
就只能怪自己当初无知，容易相信别人。。
搞到现在他不承认欠我的钱，也不要还钱。。
我什么方法都用尽了，他就只知道逃避。。
绝话我也说了，但他就是不理。。
我还能怎样？？？有谁可以告诉我？有谁可以帮助我？
我真的不知道我应该要怎样做现在？？
我不是没有打电话给他，我也不是没有信息给他。。
可是他就是不理会，像是我欠他钱一样，还要被他骂。。
家人又每天打电话来催我叫他还钱。。
我真的不知道我要怎样做才好。。
我真的只希望在剩下的两天里，能给我一些
安静、平静、安心的离开这里。。
人生有感情的动物。。
虽然我在这里不久，但我对这中心的一切一切，
包括和他的相处，和老师，同学们的相处，这里的一切
我都很珍惜，也很怀念，很舍不得。。
每当想到他对我这样不仁不义时，我心真的很痛、很痛。。
为什么我总是一次又一次的被男人利用感情？
为什么我身边的男人没有一个是对我真心的？
我真的很伤、很痛、很失望。。。
我不想对他太绝，可是现在是他先对我绝。。
我不允许别人对我这么无情。。
我所付出的感情，不仅得不到回报，还要被人这样的辱骂。。
我最讨厌的就是身边的人利用我的感情。。
所以只要有人对我好，我会双倍的还给他。。
但只要有人对我不好，我也会双倍的对他。。
我承认有时我做事会一时冲动，但如果我不这样吃亏的总是自己。。
我的好心被别人当狼心狗肺。。
为什么老天爷对我总是那么不公平？
不管是在友情、爱情、亲情上，我总是得到不平等的待遇
从小到大，我都是自己一个人承担所有，家人总是看不起我。
身边的朋友来得快，去得也快。。认识的朋友不会长久，总是伤害收场
在爱情里，寻寻觅觅了多年，身边的男人都利用我，没有对我付出真感情
我真的不知我到底做错什么，现在要承受这一切。。
表面上，别人认为我很坚强，很勇敢，很独立、是现在的女强人。。
其实我不是，我并没有大家所认为的那么坚强。。
一年一年的老，年龄也越来越大，我真的想找一个肩膀来依靠。。
我也好想可以让我长时期的休息，不用工作，让老公来养。。
可是老天爷就是不让我遇到这样的男人。。
遇到了，总是困难重重。。
两个人相隔两地。。要见面安排了都见不到。。
我真的希望我的生活可以好一点，不要有这么多的波折。。
至少不要有那么多的试炼，让我平平凡凡的过日子。。
我不渴望我的人生有多么精彩，有多么威风，
我只希望我能做我自己喜欢的事，过个平凡的日子。。

家人。。

2009-04-22T19:17:00.000-07:00

自从认识了他后，我的生活没以前那么好，
更没以前那么风光，经济也不如以前好。。
最近，父母的反应和谈话，让我觉得我更加对不起他们。。
爸爸知道我不够钱运作我的补习中心，
他却向他的好朋友开口借钱，但需要条件。。
可惜我的条件不符合。。
妈妈听到我欠车期，不够钱还。。
我还没开口，她就问我差多少，她进钱给我。。
妈妈说她明白现在刚要成立事业，万事起头难。。
她说只要熬过头几个月就好了，接下去就比较不怕了。。
听到父母这样为我着想，这么的担心我。。
让我觉得我更对不起他们。。
但我又觉得很安慰，他们还是关心我、支持着我。。。
所以我告诉我自己，不管现在有多么辛苦、多么艰难
我都要勇敢、坚强的走下去。。
有了家人、父母的支持，我会更努力、加油的做到最好。。
我不会因为小人而打到我的信心。。
既然选择了要自己开办事业，那就要坚持理想。。
我不希望能赚大钱，还是干个什么大事业。。
但我只是想脚踏实地的做我自己喜欢的教育工作。。
至少不用看别人的脸色。。。
希望我的决定不会是一个错误。。
我也希望接下去的一切能顺利。。
加油。。

休息。。

2009-04-21T18:04:00.000-07:00

反反复复的人生，我真的累了。。
我想休息。。想过个平凡的日子。。
我的人生为什么总是那么多的波折？
我自认我不是独立的女性，我的依赖性也很强。。
我也希望我的决定能得到大家的认同。。
我更希望得到大家都支持。。。
虽然身边的人帮不上什么忙，
但至少能给我一点的鼓励和安慰，
我就已经觉得足够了。。。
但往往这样简单的要求都无法实现。。
我的人生就要进入30年了，
但我却还在跌跌撞撞，还在寻找出路。。
我更希望能找到属于我的那个避风港。。
看到自己的朋友个个都找到避风港，
真的很羡慕她们。。
至少她们拥有一个大大的肩膀依靠。。
而我常常都是一个人孤零零的面对一切。。
或许我应该认命，也许我的命注定了要这样。。
只是不明白为何不让我的生命好过一点呢？
是我自己太封闭自己呢？还是我在撞牛角尖？
至少让我看清了这个世界，让我看到了人性的真面目。。
也许是时候让自己放长假。。好好休息。。
或许我是真的累了，需要好好的去充电。。
或许有那么一天，我踏入人生中无时间限制的休息，
那有多好。。可是不顾一切，放下世俗的长时间休息。。
眼睛再也看不到人性可恶的一面，
也不用被可恶的人欺负。。这何尝不是一件好事呢？

一切都一切。。

2009-04-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

今天开始我对他的感情已经完完全全的放下了。
我不会再有遗憾、不会挽留、更不会对他心软。。
就从他无理的骂我开始。。。
我的心就像刀割一样，割得很深、很痛、很伤。。
只是一件小小的问题，他可以讲到很过份。。。
我不曾为他想过，我一直在钱里打转。。。
难道他自己也不也是一样吗？
他欠我家这么多钱，难道他自己有好好的处理过吗？
他最厉害的就是逃避，以为逃避就可以不用还钱，不用负责任。。
难道他又有为我想过吗？
因为他，搞到我现在没脸见我家人。。。
我不知道我要如何面对我家人。。。。
我觉得我很对不起我的家人。。。。。
这一切都因为他。。。。。
我在想，如果当初我没遇见他。。。。
我今天也许还是在诗巫安安心心的当补习老师。。
不会搞到今天要自立门户，
每天还担心不够钱。。。。
有时我觉得我真的很累、很累。。。。
我好想抛弃一切，什么都不理，
就这样一走了之。。。。。
有时我觉得我自己好无助。。
甚至无助到去算命。。。。
我觉得我自己好笨哦。。。
是一个基督徒，既然跑去算命，却不相信自己的上帝。。
我真的希望有人可以在我身边支持我、鼓励我。。
我希望我的决定可以得到别人的认同。。

Give Up..

2009-04-13T01:43:00.000-07:00

I think i had give up everything,
especially "he"....
THis two days we always quarrel about money..
I feel that i hate him so much..
I don't know why..
Until today he still just ask me to do this and that..
I try to cool down myself..
I told myself don't think too much..
Since i had dicided to leave him,
So don't think so much..
Just put down the feeling on him and forget him everything..
We will broke, that was been experted..
I know we will broke, just don't know when only..
Since now the time had come, so just leave...
Wish myself after broke with him..
I can be more happy and more success..
Good luck of myself and happy always..

2009-04-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

人生现实的。。社会也是现实的。。
有时我真的不明白，为什么？？
老天爷为何对我会这么多不公平？？
两个人相爱，不就是要坦诚相对，
有事时一起解决吗？
可是为什么，和他在一起时，
他面对事情困难时，我就必须帮他想办法
为何在我有困难时，他却可以当个旁观者？
我需要他的帮忙时，他总是有很多的借口。。
他最会做的事，就是距我于千里之外、不理我、不管我。。
也许是我自己太笨了，也太好骗了。。
这一年半走来，回想起来。。
如果说他真的爱我。。我会犹豫这是真的吗？
如果他真的爱我，就不会这样对待我。。
给我感觉，他只是在利用我。。
现在我已经失去了利用的价值，他就一脚把我推开。。
我真的很看不起这样的男人。。
有事发生从来不敢面对，却选择逃避。。
他已经不是当初我所认识的“他”了。。
他曾答应过我，只有我们在一起，
不管再大的事，只要有他在，
天踏下来，由他来帮我顶。。
他也答应过我，只有我们能在一起，
他就会爱我多多、疼我多多，不会让我受苦、受委屈。。
可是现在的我，却什么都没有。。
有的只是他的冷落、不理会、失去利用价值就踢开我。。
我真的很笨。。我全心全意的付出我对他的爱，
我放进我所有的感情来爱他，
我也失去了理想的为他而没保护我自己。。
到头来，得到的却是深深的伤害。。永远的痛。。
这值得吗？是我应该要得到的回报吗？
原本放弃爱情的我，选择不再要有爱情了，
但他的出现，他的曾诺、他的保证
让我又再一次的接受爱情、又再一次的让人来伤害我。。
我真的真的好累，好累、好累。。
不知肉体上的累，甚至是精神上的累。。
我好想好想好好的休息。。
我也需要一个厚厚的肩膀来依靠，
也需要一双温暖的手来呵护，
更需要一个结实的胸膛来维护。。
可是我得到的却是一次又一次的伤害，
一刀又一刀的伤痕。。
我只能用工作，看戏来麻醉我自己。。
我真的不知道我应该要怎样才能忘记这一切都伤痛？

Broken Heart..

2009-04-12T22:24:00.000-07:00

I had broke with "he"..
And he had told me that he want to leave me
and we can't continue our relationship..
If you ask me, i still love him?
My answer is yes..
If i not love him, i won't do so much thing for him..
I spend a lot of my time, my money on him..
But at the end, it seem like
I had been using by him..
He just playing me around, foolish me around..
Always broke promise on me..
But since he choose to stop relationship with me,
that is good for him too..
Start from beginning, we start our relationship is a faulth..
He is not belong to me..and he is not mine too..
Because i love him, so i wish he can be happy always..
After i leave, maybe he can be more happy
on his life, with his family and his business..

Leaving..

2009-04-08T02:08:00.000-07:00

I know to be a 3rd party in other marriage, that is very difficult..
I think for many days, i had make the decision that
I want to leave him..
I feel i hate him, when he facing problem always ask for my help
but now, when i have problem he just ignore me and choose to leave me
As i remember before that he told me
always is the girl leave me, but now is his turn to leave girl..
Honestly, it is very hurt on me..
Even i know we can't be longer and we must broke one day..
But that is still hurt me..
After the tuition centre here close, our relationship will be end too..
I will return him back to his wife, his family..
He is not belong to me and i just one of the passenger that pass by of him
I just think that, if i love one guy..
It din't mean that i need to have him,
If he really live in happy, it is good already..
I wish he can found his happiness forever after he leave me...
Since i had decided to leave, i won't consider anything..
I will start and facing my new life..
Wish me good luck
and i also wish he happy all the time and good luck on his business..
Now I just know i need to start my new life..
Forget the pass and keep hardworking for my future..

2009-03-29T19:34:00.000-07:00

我明白做第三者的命运。。我曾想过离开。。
离开他，离开这里，抛下一切都走。。
或许是我太重感情吧，我不舍得。。
虽然只是无名无分的和他在一起，这是我自己当初的选择
怨不得谁。。
也许自己傻，被人哄了几句，就信到十足。。
我有时在想，我真的爱他吗？还是只是纯粹的喜欢而已。。
他总是认为我想毁掉他的家。。
这样的指责对我很不公平。。
如果我真的想毁掉他的家，
我不会等到今天..
我早就会像其他女生一样每天吵着他离婚，可是我不曾这样做过。。
难道这样我也有错吗？

Think..

2009-03-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

I asking myself always..
What is the different between Love and Like?
I can't understand what the both meaning..
Nowadays, i think many about
Myself, my own, my job, my life and my love..
Nobody can give me the idea..
The life need to arrange myself and walk by myself..
When i was young, when everyone love by parents,
I need come out to work..
When everyone still in primary,
I already in secondary school..
When everyone in secondary school,
I start to study in University..
When everyone enjoy the life in University,
I come out to work because life..
Sometime i really feel very tired..
I miss my home very much when i alone..
I alone to work out of my hometown and always alone..
I really feel tired.. n i wish someone can give me help and concern..
Nowadays i meet "he" less and less..
As i know after this centre close,
maybe my relationship with him also will end..
I had think to leave him or stop the relationship with him,
But i not dare.. becoz maybe i love him too much deep..
Even i know he is not belong to me..
He always think that i want to broke his family..
I know he is a nice husband and nice father..
If i really want him broke his family,
I must ask him to disvorce with his wife..
I won't wait until today..

2009-02-27T00:04:00.000-08:00

I go to beach with Susan(my colleague)

I feel very happy and comfortable..

I miss beach so much..

Make me forget everything and free..

I had very long time din't go beach..

Both of us like a crazy girl.. haha..

I wish i can go beach always.... :)

..Believe or not believe??..

2009-02-16T02:49:00.000-08:00

When i choose to believe that Charles is true on me
But someone tell me that he is just a lier..
Make my heart hurt and broken..
I start to think is that he is true or he just cheat?
I heard one of my friend said
His colleague also facing the same story with me..
I should believe her or not?
Accually i hate her so much..
She always say something that not true to me..
She told me many things
But after i found out the answer
I just know she just telling me lie..
So i should believe who?
But until now charles still not yet pay the payment..
The parcel still retained in Dubai..
I really very confuse now..
WHy? why? WHY?
Why everything seem not very good luck on me?
I just wish can meet one guy that really love me and care me
I also wish can get married soon..
Since my age is getting older..
But now i facing the problem like that?
So i still need to choose believe charles?
OR i can't believe him?
Did charles same like other guy that just a lier?
I wish he is not.....
Who can give me answer?
Now i just can wait see his parcel really come or not?
AND i also wish to wait he really will come kuching or not?
I hope everything will become true..
May God bless me..

..leave or stay??

2009-02-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

This morning I think many things..
In my mind.. I just wish to find one nice bf..
I wish my bf always beside me..
I wish he can with me when i face problem..
I wish he can give me full of love and concern..
But "he" can't do that..
I really hate him always broke the promise on me..
I also hate him treat me so bad this recently..
I know he is married man..
I know his family is more important than me..
But i just need his concern and love only..
Is that i wrong too?
Because his attitude like that..
I have the strong feeling that i want to leave..
Maybe not right now..
But i don't know when is the time..
This recently i close with Charles..
I thought he like other guy just joke with me..
But he use his action to tell me he is true on me..
He promise to send the gift for me..
I treat he just joke on me..
Until I get his email about the receipt and invoice..
I really very surprise on that..
He send me white gold diamond wedding ring,
necklace, earring and laptop...
I really surprise on it..
I wish he really is a true heart on me..
If he is true heart then i will leave here everything and follow him..
I wish everything will be fine on him and me..
I hope this time not a joke..

..wedding..

2009-02-10T03:42:00.000-08:00

This few days i think manything..
He hurt me very much and always choose to leave me alone..
After last week i went back to my hometown..
He let me feel that i'm strongly fee want to leave him..
In between this recently..
Charles treat me very nice and very concern me..
He said he will send me the gift for valentine gift..
I thought he is just joke only..
But today i get his email..
He really send me the gift and he email me the receipt..
I found that he send me..
Diamond white gold wedding gold, necklace, earrings..
He said he want me to marriage him and
He wish to let me know tat he is true love on me..
I just feel that, if he really true heart on me..
I will choose to follow him and marriage him..
I really wish to leave here..
Especially want to leave he..
So i also don't know what to do?
I just know i want to leave him and here..
I wish to build out my own home with my lover..

..sad.. hurt..

2009-02-07T01:03:00.001-08:00

Today really too many bad thing happen on me..
My hp lost.. my flight had been delay to very late..
Why this all happen on me??? Why???
I ask him bring me go to buy something since my fligh delay..
But he reject me.. he just care his family..
Why he so unfair on me?
Why he can always left me alone?
Why?????????????????????????
I don't know what to do now????
He really make me feel that very strong want to leave him..
I really don't want this kind of relationship any more..
We have no future..
I just wish he can concern me more..
But he never.. he just know to leave me alone to work and work..
Why this world so unfair on me????
I hate him.. I really hate him very much....
I know he is married man..
But he promise me that he will love me and care me..
But now, always leave me aside and ignore me..
I just have a small request only, he also can't do for me..
That really hurt me..
Wish i really can put down this relationship..
Wish myself have the brave to leave him..
Wish myself really can put down the love on him..
Even i know it will be very sad...
But the time can prove it..
The time can help me recover from the sad..

..sad...

2009-02-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

I feel very sad.. I also feel very angry..
I had lost my mobile phone..
I really don't know why last night I'm so careless..
I really feel sad becaues that i lost my two phones..
But what to do? It had happen..
Even compalining now, blaming now, that useless too..
Just I really feel very sad..
I really can't understand why??
Why this recently the bad luck always follow me..
Wish after this happening, everything will be fine..
Everything that belong to me..
I have feeling on them.. Even the are non-living things..
I also hope that after the happening..
There are someone give me concern..
But most of the people just blaming me..
is myself careless.. my own false..
Make my heart more hurt and pain..
Wish myself after wrote..
Don't think any more..
Even sad, the life still need going on..
Wish good luck to myself..

。。离开。。

2008-12-11T01:37:00.000-08:00

我真的不知道我自己做错了什么？
平息了几天，事情又来了。。
我还以为事情告一段落了，可以很安心的度日，
哪知道今天又来和我吵，说我针对她的女儿。
拜托，我已经随着她喜欢的走了，
我还有错吗？到底是谁针对谁？
我这样也不行，那样也不行，到底要我怎样？
三头两天就找件事情来骂，来吵。。
我真不知道这样的日子要到几时才会结束？
为什么就不能给我一个平静的日子？
为什么不能在我要回去前让我平静，开心的过呢？
难道这样对我真的公平吗？对我合理吗？
从我开始来到这里，我就不断的在忍，在退后，
但人的忍耐力是有限的，当忍到无可奈何时，迟早会爆发的
一直到今天，我的心情从没有好过，
对同事，对学生，对生意上的人，
我要装成若无其事，很开心的样子，
其实我心很痛，又有谁知道？
我的心情又有谁了解？
又有谁能愿意借我耳朵听我诉说？
没有，就只能我自己一个人承担
我真的希望他能快点回来，但我想我等不到了
坦白说，我又不是他的谁，我也没那个资格
或许因为这几次的事情后，让我看透了
也让我了解到，我也是时候离开了，
也许我的离开对他和我都好。
我了解他夹在两个女人的中间很难做人，
所以我想我离开会比较好。

Helpless....

2008-12-07T23:23:00.000-08:00

Until today I still worry for many things..
I don't know when it can end?
I wish it can end in early and let me have a fine day..
I don't know what she want again?
Everyday just act in innocent and selfish..
Never think of other people feeling..
I really don't know what to do..
I told him that I will choose to leave and resign..
Just i can understand that, he is very difficult to do too..
Becoz he always be a middle person between us..
Becoz I love him, so i choose to leave and let him free..
Love one person, is let him free and happy..
I also feel sorry on him.. I know he is worry and busy in Australia
He is busy running his business.. He suppose have to keep concentrate on it..
But i still sms him to tell him that, I choose resign and leave here..
Since she hate me so much and don't like me, then i better go..
Working in here, i also not feel happy and worry always..
So i better choose the place that really can make me happy..
I don't think that I go out can't find the other job..
So i sms him that, next week i will go back my sweet hometown
and before i leave, i will arrange everything and leave here..
I know after i say this, make him feel very unhappy..
But i don't know what can i do any more..
I think this is the only method that i can do..
Everyday i scare the new day come..
Becoz i don't know what will happen on the next day..
And i also don't know what i need to face on the following day..
I just know i'm full of scare in every day..
I really hope he can come back early as soon as possible..
In this moment, i really need him very much..
He promise me before, no matter wat happen..
he will help me to settle it all.. he will let me feel comfortable and happy..
Dear.. can u come back early? can u settle all ur business early?
Dear... i really need u at this moment.. I'm helpless and need ur help..

Hurt..

2008-12-05T21:28:00.000-08:00

He went to Australia one month already, still not yet back..
In this few days, many things happen..
His wife come and just scold me.. I really don't know what i had done wrong?
She suddenly say i stolen money, and say i'm not a good worker and etc
What she say is really rude and hurt, very innocent..
She ask me to give her my cheque book, i give her.
She ask me to take out the bank statement, i give her Oct only
Nov i not yet get, but she not believe, what to do?
I told her the pervious check book he had taken it and not in my hand,
she not believe too, what can i do?
No matter what i say she not believe then better don't ask.
I really sad and hate this all happen.
I told him, if i really give then back luck then i better leave
She can find one to replace me, and i will leave this company
In very before, i know she don't like me without any resason
So i try to run away and avoid to meet her
I hope can avoid the unhappy thing, but who know
it still will happen.. nobody can avoid it..
I really hope he can come back early
So that i have someone support me here
If he is here, he can settle this kind of happen
But now he not here, i need to face it alone
I really scare and don't know what to do
I scare to face tomorow, because i don't know what will happen
Even i wish he can back early, but just hope only
He can't back early, he still have business running there
Right now, i really scare of Monday
I don't know how to face her any more
I need someone support me, understand me or concern me
But it seem won't happen on me
Why? WHy? WHY?
That really unfair for me..

2008-11-18T01:10:00.000-08:00

He went to Australia for 2 more weeks already..
And few days ago, he scold me in phone in very fierce..
I just can cry on that time and just keep quiet to let him scold..
He always scold in same things..
He angry me because i always think of negative and..
always said the words that hurt him very much..
He said when he is in australia, he feel full of tension..
He also wish can got someone beside him and borrow the ears..
He told me he wish i can encourage him..give him the concern..
He wish i'm the one can listen to him when he face problem..
He also wish I can give him the opinion when he need..
I know i not the good partner for him in his life..
But i really don't mind to lend my ear for him to speak out..
I know he need someone to share with him..
No matter good or bad..
After he finish scold, he still talk nice to me..
He said he is really love me and care me, just i din't feel it..

Give up??

2008-11-11T01:20:00.000-08:00

He is outstating this few days..
In between this time, i think of many and many..
I thought to give up this relationship..
I feel myself very sad and feel very hurt..
Last few days i getting sick and i call him..
I just wish to hear his sound during i sick and when i alone..
Before sleep i wish to hear his sound so that can sleep nicely..
But every time when i call him, he sound like not willing to talk with me..
Sometimes he sound like rushing to put down the call..
Or he must got many excuse to ask me end the call..
That give me bad feeling..and i really just can cry..
I can't understand why he treat me like that?
He never call me, and he also never miss me..
Just myself is too stupid..
When he message me or when he call me..
He just talked about business with me and ask me to done the work..
Now he has not enough money to use over there..
He just sms me ask me to call him..
And he ask me to bank in the money for him to use..
It let me feel that, he together with me just because..
When he need help, he will find me..
When he need money, he always ask me to think of method
or ask me to borrow him money..
But when i need money, when i ask him about money..
He must give the black face for me and always tell me he has no money..
Sometimes i really can't understand why he don't ask his wife to give money?
Why he don't ask his wife to think the method for him?
Sometime it make me feel that..
I have no seat in his heart..
But when he need help, he will find me first..
Sometimes i really think to give up and end of this kind relationship..
Think is easy, but not easy to do it..
I had together with him one year already..
In this one year.. He treat me nice?
I really don't know he treat me nice or not?
Honestly, i wish he can love me and care me more..
But most of the time, he never care about my feeling..
I know his family is more important than me..
I really just hope he can keep his promise..
Before i come here, he give me many promises..
But until now, he never do it..
I just wish he can have more time together with me..
If just a short while, that is ok for me already..
I just wish to have lunch, dinner or breakfast with him only..
But most of the time, he din't give to me..
He spend his more time together with his family..
I'm just a spay tyre for him..
When he need me, he will find me..

Down

2008-11-04T17:31:00.000-08:00

I don't know why.. I worry him so much..

I try many ways to find him..

Yesterday i call hotel until his room to find him..

But i din't talk with him..

But at the end i know he got call back to his wife..

But he never call me up..

He don't know i will worry him?

Until this morning i ask his wife his number..

Just because he had promise my bro to meet each other up..

After i call him, he told me that he can't call through my phone..

You think am i believe that?

I think, maybe i have no seat in his heart..

If not, why he can let me so worry until like that?

I totally can't sleep well and my heart can't feel better..

So i think is that i have no seat in his heart?

Suddenly my mood feel very bad and down..

Miss and Worry..

2008-11-04T03:17:00.000-08:00

I'm worry about you so much.. I don't know u r fine in australia or not?
You promise me that when u reach aus, u'll buy one card to call back to me..
You really make me worry so much.. i just notice that i give u the wrong number..
I forget that if u use aussie card to call aussie number need to throw some number away..
and if u want to call back, need to add some number in the front..
I start to worry about u..
I worry that u can pass the immigration successfull or not?
I worry that u know how to call back or not?
I worry that how is ur health?
I worry u can accept the oversea weather or not?
I really worry u so much.. I can't concentrate on my working..
Because in my mind i just think of u..
I need to wait until u call back then i just will feel a bit better..
I hope u can have a good luck on ur work and everything going in smooth..
I can't do anything now, i just can wait for ur call only..
I hope u can call me sooner, so that don't let me feel so worry..
If i din't hear from you, i can't sleep well..
In my mind i just think of you.. I wish u can contact me very soon..
Just can wait and wait and wait.. nothing i can do..
Miss u so much..

2008-11-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

He had fly to Australia.. My heart also feel sad..
But at least he got call he before he fly, even is the last person he call..
I just can't understand why this few days, all the unhappy thing come together..
He fly.. and i also facing problem in centre here..
In the early morning, i get the msn message that scolding me..
One of the teacher here say i'm selfish and not a responsible teacher..
She mention that i always ask her to do a lot of work and never care of her feeling..
She say she need study and need work here.. but i never care, still give her a lot of work..
She say i'm very selfish, because she need help me look after the students sometimes
and i never help her look after her students..
I had nothing to say.. Everytime when she say she want to take leave because her study
I never reject her, even she say she can't come for half hour or few days..
I also let her, i just ask her try to find someone replace her..
Just this only, also call selfish?
She say i always scold my student and never teach my students..
This all words really hurt me..
Manager always scold me because she always take leave..
But i help her to explain and i told manager is my false, is me allowed her to on leave..
Not only me always scold my students,
She also always scold her students, and still punish the students,
I never say anything, manager complain me, i try to explain..
I never complain her anything..
I heard many parents said, their child scare to come here because of her..
But i already try to explain to the parents.. try to solve and try to keep my students..
Did i say anything to her? I never...
I know i not a good person..
But i try to help what other ppl need.. But at the end i had been complain about
I'm selfish, i never care other ppl feeling, i never think for other ppl,
and still say i'm not a responsible person..
What should i do????

保重

2008-11-02T19:22:00.000-08:00

今天你终于飞了，虽然我心中有千万个不舍得。。
但始终还是要舍得。。
你说，你真的希望我真的能很坚强，能自己保重。。
我也希望我自己真的能很坚强。。
自己我不知道在没有你的日子里，我要如何过我的日子？？
我只知道我真的很想你。。
没有你在身边，我就像失去了一个宽阔的肩膀。。
失去了一个温暖的枕头。。
其实我并不是你们眼中坚强又能干的女生。。
我一点都不坚强。。也一点都不能干。。
我更不是你们所谓的女强人。。
其实我的依赖心很强。。
开始到现在，你对我真的很好。。
只要我开口，你从没拒绝过我。。
你真的很照顾我。。很呵护我。。很保护我。。
不管我多么无理取闹，你都忍受我。。
虽然你很多时候，你都没履行到你之前对我许下的承诺。。
但至少你做到一个承诺。。
天塌下来，会有你来帮我顶。。。
我祝你成功。。一切顺利。。加油。。
希望你还记得我在你的身边不断的支持你。。
我希望我也能实行我的承诺。。
成为成功的你背后的女人。。

Missing

2008-11-02T01:38:00.000-07:00

I feel sad this few days.. I don't know what to do..
I just know cry only.. when i think of him, i just cry..
He will going to Australia tomorrow.. I really not dare he leave..
But what to do???
Since i come here, this time is the first time he leave me for long time..
I don't know when he will come back, and how long he will go..
I wish i can send him, but that is impossible..
I wish to meet him last time before he leave, but the situation is not allowed..
I wish before he fly he can give me a call, but he won't do that..
When he is not around, i feel that i lost a big shoulder..
When i met problem, he always help me to settle..
When i not enough money to use, he will give me..
When i feel unhappy, he make me smile..
I don't know how to pass the time without him..
I know i must miss him very very much and too much..
I just can cry.. after cry.. feel tired just sleep..
Wish the time can pass faster..
So that he can be back faster..
This month is the special month for me..
We get known each other for one year..
I wish that day he already back here and we can have a good time..
I wish my dream can come true..
I wish he can be succesfull on his business..
I wish everything he can go by smooth..
Wish him good luck and all the best..
I really miss him so much.. Is that mean i love him too deep too?

放下

2008-10-30T23:33:00.000-07:00

我答应过我自己，对他不要再这样，我学习了控制，但还是发生了。
我真的不明白我自己，我开始对自己已经失去了了解。
我不明白为何他突然开始对我不坦白？
我真的很不喜欢那种受骗的感觉，我觉得我自己好失败。
我总是受伤的那个，我的心一次又一次的受伤。
我想我该选择放弃了，反正他都不属于我。
放弃后，我真的不知道要怎样面对他？
我真的可以不在意吗？我真的能放下吗？
我不知道我要怎样解决这一切，我只知道自己心里很乱。
或许我真的太傻了，又或许是我自己想太多了。
我想我现在应该做的就是，什么都别想。
过自己想要过的日子，做自己应该做的事。
我想时间就是最好的答案，它会在适当的时候出现。
执着也没用，也改变不了事实。
或许我们真的不适合对方，我们俩活在不同的世界里。
至少他在我人生中留下了美好的回忆，
让我尝到爱情的滋味，让我感受到深爱一个人的痛苦。
让我体会到原来思念一个人是这么样的辛苦，
相爱却不能在一起，原来这就是所谓的爱情。

2008-10-28T01:11:00.000-07:00

I miss him so much... But what to do? Can't do anything..
I wish i have more time with him, but the time is not allowed..
We have less time to meet..sometimes we din't meet each other..
I always remember he promise me that..
He will love me more.. care me more..
I really very cherish the time before when we just start..
Before no matter how busy he is..
He still will reply me sms.. or call me when he is alone..
But now, he always din't reply me sms..
Even he is free, he also not with me..
I know i can't do anything..
Just because he is not belonging to me.. He also not mine..
No matter how i miss him.. no matter how strong i want to be with him..
This won't become true..
What can i do.. just...
Love him deep in my heart... care him in my heart...
He just a person that passed by my life only..
Care him more.. he also don't care me..
What for i care so much??
Just let the time to prove everything...
The time is the best answer..
Wish everything will be FiNe..

无奈

2008-10-26T22:38:00.000-07:00

我要学习试着放下。。
这几天我想了很多事，遇到了很多问题。
我真的不知道要和谁倾诉？
我想，即使我多么的在乎他，又怎样？
他对我总是忽冷忽热。。
我也面对一些的问题，但他有何时关心过我？问候过我？
我也挣扎过，但又有谁能了解？
也许我和他的感情就要结束了，不知什么时候会来临？
我真的很怕那个时候的到来。。
如果他决定要离开我，我真的不知我自己会怎样？
我能接受吗？能承受的了吗？又要怎样去面对他呢？
我不敢想。。就只知道这一切都是我的错。。
所以我学习放下，勇敢的面对一切，勇于接受一切的改变。。
我不敢想结局会是怎样，但我希望我能改变结局。
我真的觉得好累好累。。
真的希望有双可以让我依靠的肩膀可以让我靠。。
有一双温柔的耳朵听听我声音。。
更能有一颗慈爱的心安慰我、爱我。。
我真的好想放弃一切。。
什么都不想。。什么都不理。。
到一个自由自在的地方去。。

Feeling..

2008-10-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

This recently my mood is very bad...
But when i face the people, i show in fine..
I don't know my decision is right or wrong..
Maybe start from the beginning i can't accept him..
Maybe i'm really is not a good partner..
I feel jealous always..
He told me that, he is very busy running his business..
But most of the time, he is together with his family..
He din't tell me the truth always..
Sometimes i also need his help..
But he never care and never listen to me..
He promise me many things..
But at the end never come true..
I wish he can spend more time with me..
Even just a very very short time..
But he never do that..
The time for us is more less than before..
We very seldom meet each other..
Maybe very soon we can't meet each other anymore..
I also hate myself..
WHY??
The time is changing..
The person also changing..
The life is changing too..
My heart also changing..
I really hope i can love him forever..
But the time is not allowed..
He is not belongs to me..
He is belonging to somebody..
I also wish can find one single man..
But my heart feel sorry to him when i do that..
No matter how..
That all are my false..
I wish myself can put down everythings..
I wish i can do that..
I pray to do that..
I will try my best to do that..
I really wish got someone is really..
Love me more, care me more..

2008-10-15T04:46:00.000-07:00

The world is a beautiful..

How u gonna to make it beautiful?

Happiness is depend on yourself..

You can choose happy or sad..

Every one will involved it,

But how u gonna to solve it?

That is your freedom and power..

The life is very long-term,

WHy don't to be happy all the time?

放下

2008-10-15T04:10:00.000-07:00

今天我终于学会了放下，我终于做到了。
虽然我很想他，很想信息他，很想见到他，
但我都控制了。
即使我信息他，他也不会回复我，
即使我有事相求，他也不理我,
即使我多么想他，他也不会见我。
所以我告诉我自己，要适当的放下，勉强也没用。
或许这样会更好，给彼此多点时间，彼此都能冷静。
这样对彼此都好，既然这么不想我打扰，那就试着分开，别联络。
感情总是这么的苦，为何不能甜一点呢？
爱情总是让人痛苦，为何不带给人快乐？

爱

2008-10-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

到底是你变了，还是我变了？
现在的你和以前的你，总觉得有很大的不同。
我想或许你我都没变，变的是这个世界、社会。
我真的不知道我要怎样做，才能不让你生气、不让你对我冷淡。
现在的我们，见面的时间越来越少，甚至没见面。
我了解你生气我醋味很重，不了解你，不体谅你。
在你眼中，你总是觉得我很坚强，很独立，可以独自解决很多事，
我很想告诉你，在怎么坚强的女人也会有哭的一天，
也需要一个肩膀来依靠。
从我们认识开始，我就告诉过你，
我不在乎名分、物质享受，
我在乎的是你的爱，你的疼、你的关心。
我只希望你真的能把我捧在手心上疼。
我只希望你能多疼我一点，关心我一点。
当我需要你的帮忙时，你都不理我。
你从不把我的话放在心上。
有时我在想，我的选择是否错了？
我很想放弃，但我已经跌得很深了，真的很难收回。
你曾答应过我，只要我们能在一起，
你会疼我多多，爱我多多。
我相信你对我的曾诺，但现在我得到的却是你的忽冷忽热。
或许这一切不能怪谁，只能怪我自己，
明知道这是一段不可能会有结果的感情，
但我还是一头栽进去。
如今我对你的爱，已经无法自拔了。
我曾试过放弃你，但我的心已经被你占有了；
我也曾试过和其他男生约会，但心里觉得对不起你。
我不知道我们几时会结束，所以我很珍惜我们相处的时间。
虽然我们见面、一起的时间很少，但我真的很珍惜。
或许可以让我的生命中留下一个美好的回忆。
是你让我感受到思念的痛苦，让我尝到深爱一个的滋味。

生命

2008-09-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

有谁可以知道明天发生什么事？

在人的生命里总有高峰期和低峰期。

没有人可以每天平凡、一尘不变的过日子。

生活里有起有落，这才叫精彩的生命。

人常常会埋怨别人对自己不够好，

但从来没想过自己又对别人如何？

人往往在失去后才懂得珍惜，

为何不在每天的日子里学会珍惜当下？

总觉得开心的日子很快过，而伤心的时刻总是很难熬。

只有真正懂得付出，真正爱过的人，才能了解痛。

只有真心付出的人，才懂得何谓哭，又为何哭。

开心也要过日子，不开心也要过日子，

那为何不选择开心的过日子呢？

人就是要学会适当时放下，学会珍惜眼前的一切。

人生在世短短的几十年，一眨眼就要过去了，

选择“笑”来过每一天的日子，

对自己好一点，多疼爱自己一点，多保护自己一点。

希望别人爱自己之前，自己要先爱自己。

人生的喜、怒、哀、乐

是靠自己来决定，别让别人来操控。

相信明天会更好。

如果

2008-09-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

如果当初我没出世，就没有今天的我。

如果我没继续升学，就拿不到大学学士。

如果我不学习坚强，就不会有今天的成就。

如果我坚持更努力，也许今天的成就更好。

如果我能学习放下，也许今天我会过的更开心。

如果我不是爱哭鬼，那我就会被残酷世界逼死。

如果能多几个朋友，今天的我就不会这么孤单。

如果我人缘好一点，今天就不会那么无助。

如果我能大胆一点，今天的我就不会被人欺负。

如果我能更开朗些，那我就不会有悲观的想法。

如果我离开了这个世界，会不会有人miss我呢？

如果这世界上没有如果，那会是多么美好的事。

一切都是如果的如果，希望有一天如果会实现。

人生。。。

2008-09-27T23:06:00.000-07:00

人生难免会遇到许多的苦难，但要如何去面对呢？
或许重要的不是期望没苦难，而是勇敢的去面对。
成功不是因为你能爬得多高，而是跌到时能勇敢的站起来。
人的生命需要经过跌跌撞撞，这才叫做精彩的人生。
有故事的人才能创造出璀璨的作品。