Tuesday, July 28, 2009

My australian bf find me back again..
He want me to marry him...
When i heard it, i must feel very happy right..
But i don't know why my heart suddenly feel scare..
What i scare?
I scare one day he will divorce with me..
I scare he is will change his heart one day..
I scare he is too big man, i need always listen to him..
I scare his temper....
Oh no! how come i have soo many disappointed on him??
His mother wish he can marry with me before christmas
but his dad feel too rush, at least after one year..
But he wish to marry soon and move out his house..
He wish to get marry just because his parent getting old..
I don't know we are love each other or not?
Accually we never meet each other...
we know each other from yahoo messager..
but we did saw pic and cam of each other..
Throught the chating, i know he strongly want to marry with chinese girl..
We have net love for more than 3 years..
In between this 3 years, we do broke..
But after that he told me that he can't find other girl who are better than me..
So at the last we together back again..
But i hate him always ignore me..
I also hate him always scold me stupid or stubborn..
But now i will feel that, if i really love him
I need to obey him and don't make him angry..
I really don't want to lost this chance again..
As my age is getting old..
Now i really tired on working, my life..
I really wish can find one man who really
love me, care me, understanding me and treat me as a princess..
I know maybe he is my Mr Right..
I wish after marry, i can not need to work
Just stay at home to be full time housewife..
Take care my husband and our kids..
I know he can give me this kind of life..
I can't describe my feeling now..
I wish to get marry with good man..
But when it is happen i feel scare...
Wish he is my true love and last man...
Wish the God bless me...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


I think he and I be normal friend is better..
I don't know what i had done wrong??
Today he never find me..
Even i sms him, but he also just ignore me..
That is very hurt for me..
I had directly told him that i want to meet him
but he still ignore me and no respond..
Suddenly i feel that, he just will find me if got any insurance
He won't find me without insurance topic..
That is quite sad for me..
Now i just know myself is so cheap
Every time if the topic is related with insurance,
he must reply me in very fast..
If not he always just ignore me..
He really not like before when we know each other..
That time he always play sms with me, call me to talk
but now...
Honestly, i have feeling on him.. I think i fall in love on him..
But i know now i need to forget it all...
I know i can't fall in love on him..
I try to persuade myself, don't think of him, don't mind of him..
Need to treat him as normal friend....
Since he just ignore me, so better dont' disturb him any more
So i told myself, start from now, i won't sms him to bother him..
Since he don't like to reply me..
Then i won't sms him or call him any more...
Just wait when he want, he will find me himself...
Maybe i also need to force myself to forget him...
I think we are just only friend...
maybe only client with agent only...
Maybe he feel that i'm boring and troublesom..
So i better keep away from him...
Don't make him feel angry or hate me..

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Am i useless????

I always think that, am i useless???
I just wonder why everything that i done
always is unsmooth and never go with my mind??
NO matter in my life, my work, my family or my love
I never get the good answer or good news.....
Why? can someone tell me WHY?
I also wish that everything that i do can go by very smooth......
I also wish my life can go by very good....
I know in my family, i'm the most useless.....
I can't help my parents, i can't give them the good life...
For my brother, i can't give him the money as much as he want..
I give nothing for my family, but i still make them into trouble..
I know everything is my false... I hope i can change everything...
Even i know that is very impossible, but i still wish i can do it....
When someone look down on me, i wish i can do the best to prove it...
But every time i failed on it... no matter what i do always is the wrong...
I always tell myself to be strong in every thing and every way...
So i always cry myself when i'm alone...
Nobody know my situation... nobody can help me..
and nobody give me concern...
Everyone just blame me, scold me or talk bad to me...
Why i always is the unlucky one?
When the luck is come to me? When i can have a happy ending?
I feel sorry to my family, my parents and my siblings...
I just can say, i will try my very best to make everything in good...
I wish some day, i can give my parents a good life...
I hope the God father are always listening my pray...

Monday, July 6, 2009

My Dearest Grandma

I feel very very very sad this few days..
My dearest grandma had passed away yesterday early morning..
I feel very sad and sad and sad....
I really don't know how to explain my sad..
I also feel very sorry to my grandma..
Last week when she went into hospital
i wish to go back to visit her..
but mom say is not very serious..
Doctor always ask us to do the preparation..
I really can't accept when i heard the news..
I just feel curious when we do not have preparation,
God had ask her go back..
Until today when i think of grandma, i still will cry..
I really not dare my grandma away from us..
I never think grandma will go away from us..
Yesterday i really can't accept the news..
But today i feel ok, just a bit sad..
Even i feel sad, but i still need to pretend i'm fine in front of other..
I just can pray to the God father
to take care of my grandma..
I know one day we will meet in the heaven..
Grandma, i miss you forever and forever..

Friend?? Special friend?? normal friend??

I really don't know what is our relationship now??
Even he angry me, but he still treat me very nice..
He still like before when i need, he will help as he can..
He still will take some time to meet me..
I'm very sad this few days..
My dearest grandma had passed away yesterday early morning..
I cried until my eyes become buns..
I cried for whole day when i think of it..
I just simply sms him to tell him that i feel sad..
but when he know it, he come suddenly to concern me and see me..
Accually yesterday he want to sign up with my colleague
he will come to my house around 5pm
i thought he mean come to see me is mean 5pm
but accually he is not..
he told me he will come to see me before 2pm and
sign up with my colleauge at 5pm..
mean he will come to my house two times..
At that time i really feel touching heart..
Because he come to see me after he heard i'm sad and cry..
But i know i can't have other thinking on him..
He just treat me as a normal friend..
He treat every friend, no matter is girl or guy
he always treat them nice as he can....
Maybe is myself think too much...

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Today, i make him so angry on me..
until he ask me don't reply him sms any more..
I think this time i really do the wrong..
I think he really angry me now..
So i stop sms him, but i still had say sorry to him..
I think after today i will put down every feeling on him..
I won't have keep any hope on him..
Maybe he is not the guy the God arrange for me..
I think our relationship just can maintain in between client and agent..
Now i just realise that, every time always is my own false..
just because i force too much on one guy, so make them scaring on me..
So i think, i better to choose to be a single..
Maybe single life is the best way for me..
Bless myself..

Friday, July 3, 2009

What call LOVE? What is LOVE?
I promise to my exbf that i will accept him back
but i ask myself, did i really love him?
BUt i found that, i not really love him, i just want to keep my promise only..
This recently i met one guy that he is very
care of me, concern on me, and always borrow his ears to me..
He treat me nice, no matter what help i need, he must help..
I feel that i have a nice feeling on him..
but i found that he treat every friend and every girl as good as me
So maybe i think too much on him..
Maybe he just treat me as a his insurance client or normal friend..
Maybe i'm too stupid that easy to fall in love on someone..
He had told me that he won't fall in love on any girl..
He say he can treat me nice and good, can borrow me the ears to listen
Just he can't fall in love on me..
Just myself is too stupid, still fall in love on him..
So after that i need to force myself to put down everything
Maybe single also not bad..
So please don't think too much..
Just treat him as a normal friend..